I walked by a broken and shattered television on Gardner Street on Sunday. At first it looked normal but I did a double take and there was a parking ticket on it. After further inspection i found out it was for not having a allston/brighton permit.
Last night I texted my standard booty call. drove drunk to pick her up. She made a fuss and made me drop her home. I was mad and wasn’t satisfied so I picked her friend up 15 minutes later and fucked her instead.
The infamous Allston King of Karaoke, Johnny D walked into my house during band practice and asked if we needed a singer. He then proceeded to pull a bowl out of his pocket and asked if anyone would smoke him up.
While walking down Ashford street, I saw lawn chairs and a table being thrown from the second story balcony of a house onto the street. Then another kid sprinted, picked up a chair, and ran down the street into a house.
The owner of said lawn furniture did not seem pleased. Only in fucking Allston
I saw a guy walking his dog on Brighton and his dog popped a squat in front of the Hess Station. The guy looked a bit perplexed, he didn’t have a bag. But he looked around him and there was so much trash on Brighton that he picked up a random bag to clean up after his pooch. Thank god for Allston trash…..
Around 3AM last night a friend calls and tells me to look out of my window. There was a giant pool of blood on the sidewalk. Apparently someone got stabbed and just laid there for a while. Only in Allston
Typical evening encounter: Walking down Brighton Ave towards Packards Corner, my friends are stopped and approached by a random group of girls with the following though-provoking inquiry: “Excuse me, do you think ALL cab drivers have herpes?” Not sure if anybody would ever ask me such a thing anywhere else in the city.
I was walking down CommAve towards Harvard when out of nowhere I had the pleasure of having what felt like several cups of beer dumped on my head. When I angrily cleared my face and looked up at the balcony above my head there were two chicks making out. I couldn’t be all that mad….In fact I cheered them on.
I was at one of Allston’s finest Fraternities when a girl walked right through the white picket fence lining the driveway. The fence proceeded to topple over, along with the girl. Then she proceeded to take a nap on the fence.
One of the brothers of said fraternity had to sleep-sit her.
"Goodbye Allston. I’ll miss all of your eccentricities - your drunk people puking outside my window, your broken bottles, your used condoms on the sidewalks. But I’ve got to move on with my life. Grow up, settle down. Don’t worry, Allston. Brookline will also treat me right. Brookline’s a great catch, and my mother loves it. Just remember the good times we had. I know I always will."
- A friend’s Facebook Status